I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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