im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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