i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He felt like a one man threesome
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
