moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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