You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
