3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
