Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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