Michael Bay diarrhea
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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