His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
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My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This is the high leading the old right now
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
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Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm sobbing to NWA
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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