Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
