yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
