We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
