I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
