Capitaan dildo arrescate!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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