Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
