I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
