Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(504): View more from Louisiana

if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)

(512): View more from Texas

Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.

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(504): if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever) (512): Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them. http://tfl.nu/9n19

Replies (3) Good night (1195) Bad night (600)
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(914): View more from New York

dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.

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(914): dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk. http://tfl.nu/x11o

Replies (3) Good night (899) Bad night (2129)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.

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(732): I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home. http://tfl.nu/01mk

Replies (9) Good night (871) Bad night (3975)
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(302): View more from Delaware

He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.

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(302): He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before. http://tfl.nu/latf

Replies (13) Good night (1024) Bad night (4337)
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(616): View more from Michigan

They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar

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(616): They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar http://tfl.nu/bcnl

Replies (37) Good night (1468) Bad night (9564)
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(770): View more from Georgia

So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...

(404): View more from Georgia

Dont! You were just serving you country

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(770): So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now... (404): Dont! You were just serving you country http://tfl.nu/lcsl

Replies (71) Good night (6977) Bad night (2568)
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(810): View more from Michigan

woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.

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(810): woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag. http://tfl.nu/ubfv

Replies (8) Good night (1916) Bad night (3113)
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(510): View more from California

well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it

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(510): well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it http://tfl.nu/l3dc

Replies (16) Good night (4812) Bad night (1002)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.

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(303): Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever. http://tfl.nu/tsdi

Replies (10) Good night (2956) Bad night (1371)
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(816): View more from Missouri

Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila

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(816): Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila http://tfl.nu/brdu

Replies (4) Good night (1827) Bad night (729)
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(818): View more from California

The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.

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(818): The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me. http://tfl.nu/w1nr

Replies (18) Good night (6141) Bad night (695)
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(847): View more from Illinois

So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.

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(847): So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country. http://tfl.nu/mcq8

Replies (9) Good night (2391) Bad night (663)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.

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(609): I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth. http://tfl.nu/cul4

Replies (4) Good night (1209) Bad night (525)
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(425): View more from Washington

Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth

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(425): Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth http://tfl.nu/nsaq

Replies (3) Good night (347) Bad night (560)
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(214): View more from Texas

dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved

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(214): dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved http://tfl.nu/kl2o

Replies (1) Good night (444) Bad night (328)

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