Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.