I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard