It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.