so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
