Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
