I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
