Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
