hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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