I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
time to smoke my breakfast
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
