I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
