I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
