It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
