Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
