I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
