I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
