you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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