i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
