she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
