I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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