Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
