She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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