john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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