that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
