I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Alive.
So much puke
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
