What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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