3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
