Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
