Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
