According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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