Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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