we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
