yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
