also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
