And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
