and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
