My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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