Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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