We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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