Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
