There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
