I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
