...so i touched it.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
