I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
