somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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