Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
