Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
