Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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