Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
did i just pee glitter
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
