Betty ford says i'm here all night
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize