I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
