I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
