OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
