I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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