Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't deserve a penis
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
