I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
