Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
