Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
